Drive

Feels like I'm driving around aimlessly these days. Everything has gone loco. Things are beyond my control. Have you ever felt like that? Life as you know it changing in a split second? I had this conversation with a few close friends a few years back, that something really big happens and as a result, helps a person grow up in the process. Life lessons. You live, you learn. For me it's yearly. Hmmm, lemme think. Ahh yes, I can still attest to that. It happened again last year, without fail. Has it happened to me yet this year? I'm not sure, but I think I'm getting there. Life has always thrown a lot of ... unexpected things at me and all that drama has spun me into an emotional roller coaster of great heights.

Want me to paint a clearer picture? Once I had been crying uncontrollably for two weeks straight and had been called into my boss' office (actually it was from a different department, word has already spread around) and attempted to counsel me and help ease the pain. She shared with me some of her pain for me to realize that everybody hurts at some point in their lives. I've also had friends back away from me because they said I was too depressing to be around. They are no longer my friends anymore. What kind of person leaves a friend because she had too many problems? Well, to each their own and good riddance. Another time I found myself too depressed to eat for a week. Having only half a cracker a day and still hurling. I did not know that it was possible for the human body to do that. What a revelation. On another bout, I was in Disneyland, the happiest place on earth, and I was on the pay phone crying, making a collect call to a friend here in Manila to come pick me up the next day at the airport because I cannot bear to be where I was anymore. These are just a few memories on top of my head right now. Which means that there are plenty more.

I feel like I've been through so much. I feel like an old soul with a pretty beaten-up heart. And I feel like my story's not even half-done yet. There's more to come. I'm sure of it.

For whatever's coming, I use my past as my armor and find solace in prayers. I believe in myself and trust that there is reason for every load that is given.

For now, my sanity is saved by ever-reliable mp3s, a lil laughter, my puppy, GQ (no, not the magazine) and solid friends. For these, I am thankful.

Logging out for now. Server reset in 9 mins. ;) Sheesh.