Sayonarra baby

This blog will self-destruct tomorrow.

So Sic

Hate being sick. Wanna go home na. Feel so tired. (cough cough sniffy sniff) Late nights. Working at home. Darn weather. Stress. Even my skin is acting up. First time since college that I've been going to the derma on a weekly basis. I'm betting on two more visits will get me back in shape. Sigh. Sigh. One more. Sigh.

What keeps me sane? a. Being excited over what to wear everyday. Keeps my creative juices flowing. Trivial? Maybe. But it works for me. b. Reading books. c. Wex. d. My good.. no, great friends. Their generosity keeps humbling and surprising me each and everyday. I am so thankful. e. Prayers. f. Gary V and Sitti Navarro. g. My mom. My inspiration and source of strength. h. My cousins and titos and titas. Makes me really proud to be one of them. They are wonderful people, each and every one of them. I've really been blessed with so much.

Now, what was I worrying about awhile ago? Ah yes, work, the flu and a little sadness. Doesn't seem so big right now. Ouch still hurts but I'm fighting to keep on living up.

Oprah once said to list at least five things that you are grateful about each day. It really works. Try it.

Yday

Last night a good friend told me: Give your heart to God and you will never be heartbroken.

My thoughts: Ouch. That hit me. Hard. She's right. So right. Beyond words.

Again, Good friend says: Aren't you excited?
Me: About what?
G.f.: For the next the thing to happen to you, for the next love of your life, for tomorrow?
Me: I was. But lately I've become so jaded with life. Right now, it's hard to see beyond tomorrow.
G.f.: Well you should. Cos I'm excited for you.
Me thinking... Well, actually, I didn't know what to think at that moment... Even to this minute, it's kinda hard to answer a simple question like: "How are you?". The mind is still messed up but I've managed to keep my composure and sanity in tact. Shopping has helped to ease the tension but only to a slight degree. Vanity has become a sport for me. I hate it but I love it at the same time. But not to fret, I ain't turning into a shallow little airhead. You can bet on it.

1:14am. I'm off to friday gimmick night or what's left of it.

Tl

Be the person your dog thinks you are.

"Dogs are our links to paradise. They don't know evil or jealousy or discontent. To sit on a hillside with a dog on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring, it was peace."

-Milan Kundera

Only a friend

You called me on the phone late last night
The rain was pouring down as you cried
And you said he had you bad
That he broke your heart like all the others did
And so you thought
You just needed to talk to a friend

**Cos only a friend
Can mend a heart
That’s torn and broken too
And only a friend
Can keep your trust
And love you just for you
But only a fool can overlook
The way I look at you
But it doesn’t really matter
After all
Cos I’m only a friend to you

I told you life’s like that and it’s ok
I know he didn’t love you that much anyway
And i say just look around though someway somehow
Someone’s waiting to be found
So just let him go
Then you will know
The one who’s loved you most
Is now that one who’s loving you back**

Would it matter?
If I told you
Just how much I long to be more to you

Cos only a friend
Can mend a heart
That’s torn and broken too
Only a friend
Can keep your trust
And love you for just being you
But only a fool can overlook
The way I look at you
But it doesn’t really matter
After all
It doesn't really matter
After all
No, it doesn't really matter
After all

Cos I’m only a friend
That’s all I am
I’m only a friend

-Gary V, Relevance

525 thousand

Scene: Had a gigantic fight with a former flame somewhere in Makati at 4am. Me, fuming mad. Road rage. Mad dash back to my house. Made a quick call to my best friend in L.A. Calmed me down a notch. Still feeling icky, passed by baywalk. Me, thinking - "Ayoko na, tatalon na kong Baywalk." Made a sharp u-turn and parked the car. Paused for awhile, making up my mind... Yup, I wanna end it na. Then, someone taps on the window passenger side.

Parking attendant: Ma'am. (knock knock)
Me: Anu yon? (galit pa.)
P.A.: Magpa-park po kayo?
Me: Oo, sandali lang!
P.A.: Ma'am may bayad po, twenty pesos.
Me: Ang mahal naman, ayoko na! (made a u-turn back. headed home. smiling a little.)

Morale of the story: My life was saved by a measly 20-peso bill.

Ouch.

Life (a little love and mostly WORK) has been evil-crazy the past weeks. 3 resignations and 1 on maternity leave. Left me here feeling so freaking.. sigh.. stressed out. Things are gonna change, I tell ya. That's all I wanna say for now. I'm feeling the tightness in the shoulders ang a litle pain in the temples right now, and it's just the beginning of the week. Stop. Breathe. At least night shift ends this week.

Of course, I still find time to party on down. Happy housewarming last friday. It's not all done yet but it's getting there. I really worked my ass off renovating this place and for me it is a success. My pride and joy. I learned a lot. Independent living. Although I still bring my laundry home and someone comes and cleans up the place at least once a week, does that count? (Smiling sheepishly.) Hey, I do the dishes and doing amatuer cooking and baking and scrubbing floors and cleaning bathrooms and stuff. Defensive? Nah. Learning, I am and life-altering, it is. It's been interesting. And a little scary.

Wish I could tell you more but work is calling. Rather loudly. Bye for now.